Friday, July 08, 2005

I think

--believe it or not, I can-- that Friday nights must be one of the loneliest nights of the week. It's a night when those who don't have to work the weekend go out with friends and stay up late to burn off steam. But if you have no friends to share your thoughts with in person, by phone, im or e-mail, it can be a very sad and depressing night.

On the other hand, Friday night has the potential to be one of the most relaxing nights of the week. Not all of us like to fly in a crowd like a flock of geese (or is that gaggle). Some like to go home, shower and collapse in front of the television or curl up with a good book in front of a crackling fire--granted, this time of year it might be a bit warm for a fire, but the sentiment is still there.

For some of us, Friday nights are a time of reflection. Whether buried under a pile of blankets and comfortably burrowed into our beds in a darkened room, or daydreaming by the pool (or that fire that it is just too dang warm for), we think back on our week, on the words that people have said to us and the things they have done for us and we wonder if we fully understood the meaning behind the action, or if we misunderstood. Did we make more of it in our minds than we should of, or did we minimize the action into less than it was meant to be. And sometimes we laugh at the thoughts that pass through our heads, or are surprised at the secrets unleashed by our analysis. More often than not, we simply raise more questions and find ourselves asking "what if" over and over again.

For me, though I will shortly be heading off to a movie with a friend, this is also a night of reflection. It was a long and lazy week, with most of my customers and contacts on vacation, and I wasted my time in nonproductivity--ok, I shopped on-line more than I should have. But I also had a chance to converse, just a little, with a friend--something we haven't done in a while. Something I wish we could do more often and more in depth, but we seem destined to never be allowed the chance. My friend has had a difficult year, and I have worried about him more than I should. I have been very tough with him, and extremely annoying, and yet he still talks to me. Either he is just very kind, or he actually is a very good friend.

Two days ago, in the middle of one of our IM conversations, he called me a "nice girl". It was meant as a compliment, but, naturally, I didn't know how to take it so I answered back with an inappropriate retort. I admit it, compliments embarrass me. I am never certain how to respond to them. Usually I just blush and ignore them, but sometimes my mouth (or my fingers in this case) just blurts without giving my brain a chance to harness it in. "Nice girl"--I've never been elevated to that status before, at least not that I know of. Not even by family. I've been given many titles in my life, none that I can repeat, most of which probably do fit from time to time. But now I wonder does this new title fit too, or is it a lofty goal for me to aspire to--one that I may never reach. Should I sprout wings and try?

And why do those two innocent little words keep running in circles through my brain? Is it the context in which they were said, or is it simply that they made me feel good? Or is it because I respect and trust the person who said them more than most people I know.

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