Using People
Have you ever been accused of this? I have. Twice in the last year friends have told me that I use people or that I have used them. Admittedly, they haven't given me an example of what it was I did that led them to that conclusion, but I have to assume that if they accuse, then I did the deed. Or, at least I did something to cause them to believe that I was using them. I know that I did not plan to do so, or that I did so unintentionally. And that makes me wonder, is it possible to use someone without knowing that you are doing so?
To use someone, at least in my mind, is to profit or gain in some way from the use. Financial gain, ladder climbing, catching or trapping a perspective mate, etc.... None of which I have shown any success at in any point in my life, and I have definitely been around long enough for such evidence to be noticeable. My finances could definitely be better and are far from successful. The art of ladder climbing illudes me, and requires too hard a nature. I'd be a department manager, at the very least, by now if it didn't. Perspective mate? Hunh, I don't think I've even been out on an official date in the last 20 years, and before that, well, it was rare. I'm the type of girl who does not really notice when a guy is interested. He'd pretty much have to confront me and tell me he was. Hints rarely work, but they are great for creating confusion. Then again, I am the type of woman that men are rarely interested in, so I guess the scale of life balances out to some extent there.
There are other ways to use people, of course, but all result in the user gaining something of worth to them. Don't they? What did I gain? Nothing perhaps, but, in both cases, I had hoped for closer friendships. I also knew that my own personality would probably prevent this, but I wanted to try. And, until I messed things up with my own social faux paus, I thought I had at the very least gained a little more insight to the real people just by observing them in the settings of their daily lives. Much more realistic than meeting people only at formal outings. Also more heart warming. Suddenly 2D individuals become real flesh and blood beings with hearts of their own. People who speak baby talk to their pets and have the same everyday problems we all face. And the world suddenly becomes a bit smaller, and brighter when lit by their smiles.
Each time I have been accused of the crime of using people, I have asked other friends who have known me much longer and whom I trust to tell me the truth, if they feel that I use people or even them. Each time they have told me no. There was more to the conversation, of course, and they could simply be being kind to me. Still, I trust my friends to be honest with me, even when they know it will hurt. So which do I believe? Is it possible that I treat each set of friends differently? Or do I treat them the same? I know, from the movies, that it is possible to be used without realizing that you are.
Which brings me back to the question, is it possible to use someone without realizing you are doing so? I can't help but wonder....
To use someone, at least in my mind, is to profit or gain in some way from the use. Financial gain, ladder climbing, catching or trapping a perspective mate, etc.... None of which I have shown any success at in any point in my life, and I have definitely been around long enough for such evidence to be noticeable. My finances could definitely be better and are far from successful. The art of ladder climbing illudes me, and requires too hard a nature. I'd be a department manager, at the very least, by now if it didn't. Perspective mate? Hunh, I don't think I've even been out on an official date in the last 20 years, and before that, well, it was rare. I'm the type of girl who does not really notice when a guy is interested. He'd pretty much have to confront me and tell me he was. Hints rarely work, but they are great for creating confusion. Then again, I am the type of woman that men are rarely interested in, so I guess the scale of life balances out to some extent there.
There are other ways to use people, of course, but all result in the user gaining something of worth to them. Don't they? What did I gain? Nothing perhaps, but, in both cases, I had hoped for closer friendships. I also knew that my own personality would probably prevent this, but I wanted to try. And, until I messed things up with my own social faux paus, I thought I had at the very least gained a little more insight to the real people just by observing them in the settings of their daily lives. Much more realistic than meeting people only at formal outings. Also more heart warming. Suddenly 2D individuals become real flesh and blood beings with hearts of their own. People who speak baby talk to their pets and have the same everyday problems we all face. And the world suddenly becomes a bit smaller, and brighter when lit by their smiles.
Each time I have been accused of the crime of using people, I have asked other friends who have known me much longer and whom I trust to tell me the truth, if they feel that I use people or even them. Each time they have told me no. There was more to the conversation, of course, and they could simply be being kind to me. Still, I trust my friends to be honest with me, even when they know it will hurt. So which do I believe? Is it possible that I treat each set of friends differently? Or do I treat them the same? I know, from the movies, that it is possible to be used without realizing that you are.
Which brings me back to the question, is it possible to use someone without realizing you are doing so? I can't help but wonder....
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